The rain falls but I don�t hear
My mind�s on something else
My heart�s beating so fast
But I don�t hear the pulse
I hear your voice inside my head
But you�re the furthest thing from my mind
I feel the dread of what lays ahead
But I keep thinking of what�s left behind
I feel the sweat of a hot summer�s night
Beading on my skin
I taste the salt of Chinese take-out
But I just feel the pain within
Depression permeates my soul
As I wish I was with you
But all I want is another chance
A chance to start anew
--
I feel depressed tonight � maybe it�s the rain, maybe it�s the pain, I don�t freaking know. I have so many friends but I feel so alone. I wish I had a boyfriend right now, right here with me, to cuddle with, to hold me close and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I feel like writing / talking so maybe I will talk your ear off tonight, but I�ll just have to live with that.
Why am I so darn serious about everything? Why can�t I be lighthearted and full of joy? Sometimes I am � the last few days or so have been great. I was happy, energetic, positive, and not crying. Why am I just the opposite of all those things now? When my mom left to go to work I was crying�whether it was selfish or not, I don�t know, and I don�t care. Ah-hah! That got me to smile, even if it was just a little bit. Even though life feels bad right now, I know it�s not. But knowing and feeling are two different things. Feelings can be very powerful, especially where I�m concerned. Why is Alex�s voice and image in my head? It shouldn�t be, and maybe that�s precisely the reason why. I still remember seeing him in his hot boxers�that really turned me on I have to admit. Hot skater boy boxers.
I have such a freaking headache. It really blows my mind. On other topics, I�m listening to my music I have saved on my computer while I�m typing this. I love music. Music saves me when I�m feeling like this. If I ever give advice again, there is one piece I�ll always give�NEVER START SMOKING!!! It�s such a pain in the butt. Get it, butt? Don�t smoke�listen to music, or draw, or play video games, or do anything except smoke. It�s no good�and it�s so hard to quit.
I�m so freaking hot. But I�ll always be cool, HEHE, especially to a few people who I will let remain anonymous. Ooh, one of my favorite bands just came on the windows media player. Ever hear of Fountains of Wayne? They are one awesome band. Have you seen the new Green Day video? It�s American Idiot and it�s freaky, but cool. I like freaky � in more ways than one HEHE.
Well I feel better now�so I�ll be seeing you. RACH
good night - Saturday, Sept. 03, 2005
Shine - Saturday, Sept. 03, 2005
casey at the bat - Thursday, Aug. 11, 2005
Never Been Happier - Tuesday, May. 03, 2005
end of hiatus - Monday, Apr. 11, 2005
