Fuck it ...i dont care anymore. Nathan I love you you know i do...but ive gotta get this out.
These feelings inside...I can't hide them anymore....it's like everyone can read me like a book like "I heart Alex" is written on my forehead. Why? God, why am I so infatuated with him? there's something about him...he's handsome yet doesnt care about his looks...he's quiet yet has fun with his pup...he's laid back yet has bursts of energy when he skates...and im content just to be in the same room as him...heck just to be in the same building as him. It's like the opposite of the video Stacey's mom, when I'm supposed to be spending time with Nik my focus is on him and what he is doing or watching or eating or wearing or not wearing.... ok stop it rachel this is not healthy this is wrong its all in your head get over it get over him and move on.
on a sweeter note, i started working on my first Aftghans across america aftghan. its a yellow baby aftghan. i picked yellow b/c its good for a little girl or boy. im keeping track of spending and of how long it takes to crochet it.
wednesday is the interview, tomorrow i will get in touch with nik to see when we're leaving wed to go im a little nervous but im sure it will go fine i hope we get it it would be nice to have a job again and to work with nik again. well gotta go talk to ya'alls later rach
P.S. After an exhausting conversation with David (who's david? i'll explain later...maybe) I realized im stupid to think what i feel for alex is anything more than a crush IT'S A CRUSH AND I'M IN LOVE WITH NATHAN AND THAT'S THE FINAL WORD.