Iím getting together with Bill sometime, probably next week. Getting together as in sleeping together. Iíll be honest when I was ďseeingĒ him last year, it was pretty much to have sex. Weíre both adults, we both enjoy it, the only problem is I donít really see it going any further than that. I really donít want to have a serious relationship with someone twenty years older than me anyway. Some people might call it being promiscuous, and I know thereís a lot of good in waiting until marriage. Itís virtuous and itís the safest sex there is. Yet, I have chosen to be this way, and Iím not sorry about it. I may be a little bit ashamed, but thatís nothing new. Iíve always been ashamed of my body, and anything having to do with the body. Maybe having sex is my way of loving my body, and knowing that someone else loves my body too is a good feeling. I always feel so fat and ugly, and when Bill wants to make love with me, it takes away from those feelings. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy.
And the best of thing of all is knowing that no matter what I do or how I feel, God loves me. And He loves you too. RACH